Thursday, January 3, 2013

Resource Management As Applied To Getting A Life

Learning to take care of yourself.

For a working class person who's used to living paycheck-to-paycheck, this idea borders on absurd.  I'm alive and able to work.  What more care do I need?

Well lots, obviously, because by the only standard that matters (mine), my life sucks.

My major role models re lifestyle are my mother and my sister.  My mother is an introvert who prefers her own company and whose needs are for space and autonomy.  My sister has a more extroverted lifestyle with a POSSLQ[1] and cats and friends and hobbies.  I don't see either of them putting capital-W Work on their modes of living.  Shouldn't they just sort of . . . happen?

They haven't for me, because I haven't paid attention to what works when it comes to building a nurturing lifestyle.  I spend a lot of time alone, but I'm not really an extreme introvert by nature.  Those habits developed as a matter of self-protection.  I've already gone into how physical self-care has a whole bunch of negative psychological baggage.  Spritiual self-care?  Well . . . my concept of the intangible changes depending on my mood.

In adult life I've been too miserable with poverty to notice that I wasn't doing a good job of taking care of myself.  The idea of self-care beyond making sure there's a roof over my head, clothes on my ass, and food in my stomach is a little flummoxing.

Okay a lot flummoxing.  Because whenever I think of something to do to build a Team Me[2] -- hanging out at my Local Yarn Store[3] when they're open late on Wednesdays for instance -- the Rock Of Scheduling crashes down.  Today, I don't have access to the car (Mom and I share hers) so I'd have to leave work on time which I can't do because we're hellacious behind and I have to work late.  Tomorrow, I'd like to go to the gym and go swimming, except none of my gym's wet locations are within convenient reach of a bus and even if I have access to the car I need a bathing cap because of my fun dyed hair which means a trip to the sporting good store and that's a pain.  Friday is Panoptikon[4] but I have to get up at oh-dark-thirty in order to come to work on Saturday because the boss is making Saturday work mandatory through January.  Saturday Blazing Saddles is on the Midnight Movie at the Inwood Theater, but it's midnight and I'll probably be too tired.  Sunday is The Church[5], but The Church lasts until three AM and I have to be to work at eight which means a six AM wake-up and this job's not the kind I can sleepwalk through . . .

See what I mean?  The Rock of Scheduling makes even the most low-key and pleasurable Out And About activity seem like an unpleasant chore.  Someone said once that happiness takes work; I hear that and a part of me groans.  I know the Rock of Scheduling is an externalization of a character flaw -- i.e. I'm just lazy -- but that's as far as I've ever gotten in my reasoning.  It feels so much easier to work ten hours a day, come home wrung out, look at Mount Washmore and fall into bed for a night of thin sleep.

So that's one of my New Year's Resolutions, to cut the Rock of Scheduling down to size.  I'm not sure how yet (apart from getting my own transportation), but I'll think of something.

1. Person of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters -- obsolete Census Bureau term for unmarried cohabitors and a cultural meme from the early 80s.
3.  Holley's Yarn Shoppe.  The Woolie Ewe and the Shabby Sheep have wider selections but the atmosphere at Holley's is much more welcoming.
4. Goth theme night at eXcuses eXtreme Cafe on Friday nights, very popular with the steampunk set.
5.  Goth/Industrial theme night at the Lizard Lounge.

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